Her

I have walked many miles to make the journey within self.

When oxygen was thin and I felt breathless I wondered why I came this far.

All the madness of my city life seemed too far to be real.

I hated it.

I loved it.

I met so many different people that I didn't think that I will have a moment's quiet!

But I did.
_____

And I found you.

So close. So near.

And oh, so fresh.

I remembered how much I missed laughing out loud!

Remembered how much I have done in my life and that it is alright to not have done more.

I remembered my worth.

I even remembered to value myself.

I won over my own weaknesses.
___

I encountered you intimately, like never before.

You were there. You were not there.

When the blizzard was biting into my skin.

When my breath was so jagged that I didn't know if I  can take the next step.

When I met with the Kanchenjunga for the first time.

I encountered you. Intimately. Like never before.

___

Where exactly were you hiding all this while?

I asked.

You said, I am but a reflection of all that you are capable of.

A woman who can stand her own ground.

One who owns her life.

One who wins over her fear and anxiety and all the doubts that gnaw at her spirit.

One who can deal with unreasonable clients with ease.

One who can start a task and finish it too.

One who follows through her new year resolutions.

And possibly who exercises daily!

_____

As I came back to the grind of the city life I miss you again.

You're complete, however.

With all your imperfections and your shortcomings.

Your mistakes and your misgivings.

I long to be someone like you.

You - who knows who she is and who lives to be free.

Within

Have you looked within yet?

Or are you afraid of what you will find when you look there?

All the calm madness that tears you apart and all the screaming silence that stabs at your heart.

What will you do? Make up your mind.

Don't be a coward, it's time to face your demons.

Now and later

Now is difficult.

Later should be fine.

Do not lose heart.

Don't fall apart.

Please, be patient.
Let time do its job.

Coz even though, now is difficult.
Later should be fine.

Soon

Where are you headed?

When will you be back?

Let's talk sometime.

"Soon."

And he faded in the dark.

Bridges burn

Bridges burn.
They keep getting burned down
It is but inevitable.

Do not blame yourself alone, for all that happened
Remember that it is not all your responsibility
For you are not Atlas and you do not owe anything to anyone

Bridges keep getting burned down
Do not worry
Tomorrow you shall build more
It is but inevitable
So keep moving forward and please do not bemoan.

Too much too hard

Often you wonder what good would it do?

Often you think nothing is going to change.

Then there are days when you are all charged up- ready to face the demons

And there are the ones when you just lie back and want to go back to the warm cocoon of comfort.

Where are you today or is it tonight that you are reading it?

What bottles up those thoughts, that voice.. Why are there draft after drafts waiting to be published?

Is it that you have grown up feel that your thoughts are not for everyone to know?

Or is it that you have grown up and you are now not as courageously carefree as you once were?

Don't grow old worrying about the problems.

Let the wrinkles come because you laughed too much and too hard

Haircut

There is something about a haircut.

With the locks; a lot of our baggages also get cut off when we get a haircut.

It's absolutely nothing extraordinary.

But when we do sit under the scissors, and close our eyes we give into the unknown.

We give control to someone else.

The chopping sound.

The sharp blades right next to your jugular vein.

One mistake and you are in trouble.

It is the moment of complete submission.

The fear of uncertainty, the prospect of a better outcome all come rushing from within us.

We challenge ourselves to find the courage within to fight the demons within.

We embrace a change.

The change emboldens us.

It reminds us of what we are capable of.

And we go back.

To face the demon lurking outside.

That boss who refuses to value us.

That code we have not been able to crack.

That decaying relationship we have not been able to come out of.

We feel lighter.

We, suddenly, can handle it all.

There is something about a haircut.