Suljha denge uljhe rishton ka manjha

Tonight I write after a very long break

The reason

 I was reminded very recently, "No better ink for your pen than real pain"

No I am not drowning in pain

I write tonight to let the overflowing stream of thoughts to finally trickle out

This is a unique phase in my life

Done with my degree

What have I learnt from my 2 years of Delhi School of Economics?

Economics, yes

But much more than just that

I have learnt how to cope with failure

At every step of my post graduation, I have faced failure

Failure shamelessly stood in front of me

Academic career, professional career and personal alike

I have failed

Time and again

But I have fought

Lost a few battles, but in the end won the war

"jeet kabhi, haar kabhi/
gham to yaaro honge do pal k mehmaan"

Fighting each day, with the biggest of my fears: the fear of failure, I trudged along

And finally I completed the journey

I have changed

I am not afraid of failure anymore

I have fought with failure for too long to really be afraid of it anymore

If failure laughs at me, I have learnt to get up and laugh back

Silently in my laughter echoes the determination in me to overcome

Be it the fight to score higher or get a good job, I lost out to failure many times

But in the end I did not let failure win

Yes, both academically and professionally I have won

But still remains a bigger war

The personal front is strewn with failure too

And I have lost far too many battles on this front

But this is a war that spans a whole lifetime

One cannot say if failure will have the final laughter or not

But now when I relive the memories in my mind I know I fight harder every time

I am a warrior

I know all my life I will wage this war

When I drive down the road where I first held hands, or go for swimming in the pool where I first spent entire evenings dreaming of a rosy future or take a bus ride alone in the city looking outside the window like the I first time when smiled at the sky glowing with warmth and happiness, I feel like a different person

I relive memories, but I am a voyeur in my head, an eavesdropper to my old conversations

I tell failure, "Test me as much as you like, but know I will only grow stronger each time"

I have made mistakes

I have learnt from them and struck back harder

The first time I disgraced myself by being weak willed

But I learnt

Learnt what a graceful exit means

Learnt the importance of dignity

Learnt how to not break promises

Learnt how to remain silent

Learnt to tell the truth

Learnt to be brutally honest

Learnt to let go

Every time a new piece of knowledge helped me fight failure better

But yet again, I failed

"There is a lot more to learn", says failure to me, "I will teach you. Be patient."

I am patient

Because I know, failure, now my teacher, will not fail me.

Together

"Suljha denge, uljhe rishto ka manjha"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLmx0PuCERM